“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me Rach,” Santana said. She was currently standing in line in Starbucks to grab some coffee before work with her best friend, when said best friend just happened to casually mention she was preggers. Again.
Don’t get her wrong, she loves Rachel and Puck’s other two kids, Eli and Abby, who were four and two respectively; it’s just that ever since the two of them got married five years ago, it seems like all that Rachel has been since then is pregnant.
“No San, I am most certainly not, as you so eloquently put it, ‘fucking kidding you, Rach’.” Rachel Puckerman then proceeded to giggle as the Latina’s eyes widen slightly and her mouth dropped open in shock. She was normally never one to swear (she has two impressionable children to think about; she had finally gotten Noah to stop swearing in front of them when Eli’s first word had been ‘damn’) but whenever she did, she found it was always most effective.
“Rae, I don’t think I ever remember a time that you haven’t been preggers since you and Puck got married,” Santana drawled carefully. “I mean, I love the munchkins to death, but now Matt will be bugging me for another kid. Thanks very fucking much for that by the way. Two is bad enough and you know those two assholes have some stupid competition going on don’t you? Your fault again because you just had to go and get knocked up when you were marred for, what, three months?”
Well, what can I say,” the tiny brunette said coyly, “I get pregnant just thinking about him.”
“I’m sure,” the other woman laughed at her friend’s dreamy smile. She tried to stifle her laughter as she noticed the way Puck pumped his fist in victory from his place hidden behind a newspaper at a table in the corner of the coffee shop.
“The fuck Rach,” Puck complained as he walked up behind his wife, chuckling lightly at the way she jumped at the sound of his voice, “how come Satan gets to hear first?”
“Noah,” she gasped, her left hand splayed protectively on her still flat stomach, “you startled me.”
“Well, what can I say,” he smirked, “I’m just a ninja like that. Anyways, baby, you really pregnant again?”
Rachel laughed at his impatient tone. For some reason, Noah told her that he found her extremely sexy when she was pregnant. He told her that it was ‘cuz your fucking tits are fucking huge baby.’ She suspects it’s because he loves the idea of her having his child grow inside her and actually getting to keep said baby (they don’t talk about that, though, because after all these years Beth was still a sore subject).
“Yes darling, I am really pregnant again,” Rachel said, beaming up at him as he whooped and scooped her up in his arms before pressing a passionate kiss onto her plump lips, only to pull away again far too quickly for her liking (did she mention that being pregnant also made her extremely horny, like, all the time?) with a smoldering look in his eyes. “So I guess that means you’re excited?”
Puck and Santana snort and roll their eyes simultaneously, which to be honest is really freaky, because honestly? Under-fucking-statement of the goddamn year. They both know why she’s asking though, she just wants to hear him say it.
“Course I am baby,” Puck replies casually, tightened his arms around Rachel’s waist protectively as someone walked past the trio. “I’m totally kicking Matt’s in the bet ‘cuz apparantly, you get knocked up just looking at me.”
And really, he’s so adorably excited that Rachel doesn’t have the heart to glare or scold him for mocking her. Instead she just laces their fingers together on her stomach. Dear Yahweh, she loves this man so much.